Middle aged people – time for our revolution!

So I’ve just turned 47, I live with my partner who works full time and we have a beautiful daughter aged 4 who is about to start school. I’m self-employed with a ton of work, which helps pay off a whopping mortgage that comes of living in London, which for all its many advantages is toe-curlingly expensive.  240 miles away, near Wigan, live my mum and my dad, who has Alzheimers. They increasingly need support.  That support seems incredibly hard to find.

How many of you have read that first paragraph and related to at least a fair chunk of it?   How many of you are – like me – trying not to have to imagine what happens when your mum’s not around or able to provide that support? How many of you have found it easy to sit down and plan with your parents, or to find out what’s available?  How many of you are increasingly realising that the answer is: not very much?

How many of you see yourself, your situation and your anxieties reflected in the public debate about social care?  Several years ago it was common to talk of the ‘sandwich generation’ or the ‘care crunch’ but it doesn’t seem to feature anymore (nothwithstanding that it’s very negative way to frame it, which might explain why).  Is our overriding priority really to inherit whatever assets or equity our parents leave behind? Why is that at the forefront of the debate?   Or is it to ensure our collective wellbeing: that our mums and dads will be okay and lead the lives they want to, but without huge personal cost to ourselves and our families today and into the future?

Failing to deal with this today will mean costs that will play out down the generations as we in turn require support but don’t have the private resources or public services to access them – is this the anxiety we want to pass on to our own children?

Unlike adult social care, the debate about childcare is no longer one which regards it as a personal private matter, but a public one.  It makes sense to co-invest as a society in childcare, for the benefits of child development, employers, the economy and our own individual wellbeing as parents.  It is also a vote-winner:  with austerity as its backdrop, a Conservative government introduced 30 hours a week free childcare.  And it hasn’t negated the duty to be good parents, or created a literal ‘nanny State’.  We need to think about support for adults in the same way and co-invest:  free, high quality support to protect and promote the wellbeing of adults requiring support and those with who they share their lives, that of their adult children and grandchildren, in the interests of employers and the economy.

We will inevitably have to look out for our parents as they age more than we did when we were all younger, and that’s quite right, just as parenthood brings so many more responsibilities.  But that’s fundamentally different from having to put our own lives on complete hold to provide that support, just as most of us don’t anticipate giving up work to look after our children until they go to school.

People like you and me need to marshal our collective voices, lift our heads up above the immediate challenges we face, set forth a compelling alternative vision and be seen as a political force to be reckoned with.   We need to put an end to the ‘carers as heroes’ narrative peddled by politicians and NGOs, not because those providing care and support aren’t often making huge sacrifices, but because they are, they shouldn’t be, and it’s coming at a huge – and increasing – cost to them, the people they support, their families, our economy and our society.

England needs a ‘wellbeing revolution’ through a collective investment in our shared future.  Ours is the generation to bring it about.  Who’s in?